Motorstorm

Okay let’s start this one off nice and simple. Take the title of this game, Motorstorm.

Take the word apart. Add ized to the end of motor and place the word shit in front of storm. What do you have now? Right, the title Motorized Shitstorm. So, I’m in the hospital at the moment and they happened to have a PS3, with only one PS3 game. This piece of crap.

Now I have always been quite skeptical about the PS3. Main reasons for this are the fact that for every PS3 you purchase, you could have bought 2 small islands and that Sony promises Game Heaven with Stunning™ graphics. As I was brought up as a true PC gamer, I care more for depth and user-friendliness than for graphics. Sure, if a game looks nice it’s all well and good but if it makes you feel as if someone follows you around and hits you over the head with a brick everytime you sneeze or cough, I say no thank you.

Now everyone(Cough those 53 people so far cough) can tell that I hate this game. Wouldn’t this be the shortest review yet? Well, yes, because even though I am not finished yet I do not intend to give this the full 1,000 words. Also the fact that I managed to set up a date with someone of the female species who wasn’t hit by the Ugly Truck will not mellow me out concerning this. Let’s move on. Firstly, the graphics. They’re not bad but back when Sony showed the first PS3 footage it looked 51 times more awesome than this. Oh yeah, wait, they did that on a PC. Oh I love you PC! Secondly, the controls. As I already explained, they are comparable to trying to wank with your nose. I discussed this with someone who had the game, and enjoyed it, and he agreed. The only reason he liked this game is because this is one of 0 games the PS3 has right now.

One thing I do like, is that you have several vehicles racing the same race, and all of them are wiser chosing a certain path. This could’ve been executed a little better but okay. I of course being a stubborn obnoxious prick, did the complete opposite of what the game told me to. “When on a light vehicle like a motorbike or a quad take the higher routes.” So of course you found me trying to press a truck off the road.

I am now bored so I’m going to wrap this up.

Conclusion: If you buy/bought this game, I will pray to every heathen god to curse you and make you miserable beyond comparison. I will also hire 47 to take care of you.